Alan and Carrie are an age gap couple with a 32 ½ year age difference who have been together since 1998. In this article, video, and podcast episode, Alan compiled his tips for making our age gap relationship successful.
Age Gap Relationship Tips
1. Respect Your Partner
Even though it is true that the older partner may have more experience in life, a “teacher/student” or “parent/child” status should be avoided. Such an attitude demeans the younger partner and creates resentment. Most individuals want to learn for themselves and push back against unsolicited advice.
The older partner can provide a subtle guiding hand without being overbearing. Such an approach will encourage the younger partner to ask for advice, only when they want it. If they make a mistake, assuming it is not a major one, they will learn for themselves for the future.
2. Learn How to Resolve Disagreements
Discuss openly, in a calm manner, any issues of disagreement. Repressing anger or other strong emotions can only lead to frustration and block the path to a resolution.
Before your present a problem, be sure you can clearly explain what the problem is and be prepared to describe the situation that caused it. Don’t engage in a problem discussion if you are angry or depressed. Being in an unsettled emotional state can make a resolution impossible and lead to further problems.
3. Accept Any Faults
A common reaction to “bumps” in a relationship is to look for another partner that you HOPE will be the perfect mate. Such a search will likely be futile and lead to destruction of your current relationship.
Finding that perfect partner seldom, if ever, is possible. A more practical approach, and one more likely to develop a near perfect partner, is to work on your current relationship. This should start by appreciating the positive aspects of your relationship.
Don’t look for and dwell on the negative. Rather, work on compromise and discussion, or counselling, to resolve the problems in your relationship. Keep reminding yourself that although the easy path is to consider looking for a new romantic partner it usually leads to disappointment after a lot of effort.
4. Learn to Share
Don’t be selfish with your time or effort. Work to achieve a mutual level of caring and concern for the mutual happiness of your relationship. For most things in life you get out of it what you put it to it. If you want your partner to put you first, above their leisure time, friends, family personal comfort or whatever, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO DO THE SAME.
You can’t be lazy or selfish with your time / energy and expect your partner not to be. Relationships are balanced so you must put in to them what you expect to be returned.
5. Be patient
A solid, long term relationship does not happen easily. It takes time to grow solid and only with nurturing. As described above, unless you are very, very fortunate even the best relationships will change over time.
Although the physical attraction and hot romance are important in the short term, in long term couples the companionship, caring and friendship are what lasts and is most important. This requires giving, mutual caring, patience, respect and conflict repair skills during the entire relationship. It is not easy but it is very rewarding, like most everything in life.
Podcast & Video Links
Here is the podcast audio of this article. You can also watch the YouTube video!
Conclusions
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship with a younger partner, then consider these words of advice. A compatible, loving partnership takes time to grow but can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your entire life.
Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!
Phil Nash says
Hi there, my wife and i also have a 32 year age gap. I have to agree with the advice you give but would like to add something that to us made such a difference.
Kayley and i are best friends, I mean that in every way.
We do most things together. We dont have separate hobbies or interests.
I know this is not maybe possible for everyone but it makes life so much easyer.
We got married when Kayley was 18 and i was 50 so 15 years next month.
Im yet to know a closer couple.
Carrie says
That is a beautiful story! So glad you two are happy. 🙂
Georgia says
This is great advice! My partner is 20 years younger than me and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE criticizes me for it. But I think that it shouldn’t matter what age you are, but your heart. Anyways, I suggest taking a look at this, https: //www.ez.insure/landing/2021/08/can-age-gap-relationships-work/ . There is some great info in there that everyone should read. I would love to hear what you think about it, and if you think it is helpful at all. It def helped put things into a different light for me, and for some of my friends who had a hard time accepting my relationship.
Rox' says
My parents had a 34-years age gap, and loved each other during so many years…
They were so beautiful together, a real inspiration. I think they were real soulmates, a couple of great artists and humans.
I was very close to my father, because my mother was working all the day and my father paused his career to raise me. My mother had a brilliant career debut, she was a wonderful lyrical singer. My father was a cellist. They met when my mom was 17 in a musical professional project, and a few years later, they were married and… I was born !
My grandparents didn’t accept my mother’s love story, but they started talking to her again at my birth.
They loved so much, what an inspiration every day !
My mother passed away two years ago, because of chronical illness. My father is still alive and deeply depressed, because he misses his wife too much. We both miss her a lot, she was a wonderfull person, artist, mom, wife…
My dad told me two days ago that he loves me, but he was hurry to die to join mom.
I’m very sad, but also gratefull because I had the chance to live with great parents, and my parents had the chance to know their first grandchild…
Life is short… I am proud of my parents, even thougt my comrades at primary school called my dad my grandfather and neighbours said awful things about my parents’s atypical couple.
Thank you so much to share your story, true love is rare and precious !
All the best from Germany <3
Carrie says
That is such a beautiful love story, thank you for sharing! I’m so sorry your dad is hurting, but hopefully he can find joy in life before meeting your mom again.