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The fear of losing a loved one is known as death anxiety. It can be a normal fear when you fall in love with someone who is either your own age or older than you.

For people in age gap relationships, this fear of losing your older partner may be debilitating. So, this article is meant to offer some practical tips to work through these feelings.

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Tips to Manage Death Anxiety

1. Try to understand and appreciate the fear of loss

Upon doing research on this topic, it appears as if the fear of losing someone you love can come from childhood trauma, including parental neglect. The fear that you have as an adult may come from a fear of abandonment that developed in childhood.

There is actually a name for the fear of losing someone and it is thanatophobia. This can be the fear of losing a partner, a child, or anyone that you love. Some studies suggest that the fear of losing someone peaks in both men and women in their 20s, but can re-occur in women in their 50s.

2. Don’t be afraid to love your partner

Don’t let the fear of losing your partner keep you from fully loving him or her. Remember that each day is a gift and nobody knows what the future brings. In other words, don’t let anxiety hold you back from living your life to its fullest.

Fall in love, follow your dreams, live in the moment, etc.

3. Plan for the future as much as possible

Part of managing anxiety about being alone in the future is to plan for the future. Save money when you can and take other measures so that you feel confident that you’ll be okay on your own someday.

Be sure to take care of the basics including having an estate plan, a will, health insurance. Be sure to check out our other episode on planning for the future (episode 8).

4. Try to work on your self-confidence, self-reliance, and coping mechanisms

Healthy coping mechanisms when you have anxious thoughts can include slowing down, taking deep breaths, thinking through your feelings, journaling, appreciating what you’re going through, and learning to calm your thoughts.

One thing that helped me was to recognize that my anxiety about loss wasn’t going to prevent it or even help me. So, I had to focus my energy on other things to feel better.

5. Develop a support network

It’s always a good idea to have friends and people you trust outside of your relationship. Even if it’s a therapist or colleague, try to make sure you have people you can rely on.

One way to do this is to be a good friend to others and to join groups with similar interests. This can be tough when you have work or family obligations, but it’s a part of planning for the future.

6. Ask for help

Above all, don’t be shy about asking for help if you’re feeling overly anxious. You don’t have to go through this alone.

References

“How to Cope with the Fear of Losing Someone You Love” article from Better Help

Podcast & Video Links

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Stitcher

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

As always, we want to remind you that we are not offering professional advice. The content on this website is meant as purely informational. Please consult a therapist, attorney, financial advisor, or other appropriate professional to help with your individual situation.

This article includes a discussion of six mistakes that age gap couples can make, and how to resolve them if you do make them.

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6 Mistakes to Avoid

Mistake #1

Expecting that your relationship is immune to challenges and blaming relationship problems on the age difference instead of addressing them. See our other article on how to communicate effectively in age gap relationships.

Mistake #2

Not being sensitive to the unique challenges of each partner’s place in life. For example, if one person is at the end of his or her career or retired and the other partner is still deciding what he or she wants to do with his or her life.

Try to walk in your partner’s shoes and understand where she or he is coming from, especially in regards to where they are in life.

Mistake #3

Assuming that each of you won’t change or grow with time. People can change at any point in life. The point is to try and grow together or try to at least respect the changes.

In any type of relationship, it’s important to try and grow together instead of growing apart. Even if you have differing interests, at least try and be supportive of each other.

Mistake #4

Not respecting your partner’s previous life events. Remember, the experiences that each partner has had made him or her into the person he or she is today. The past cannot be changed.

Mistake #5

Not respecting your partner’s difference in cultural references. It’s very important to respect each other’s preferences for movies, music, etc. Be especially careful about making fun of your partner’s taste in various things.

Mistake #6

Not expecting or learning how to handle judgment from others around your age gap. It can be especially hurtful if family or friends don’t accept your relationship. You have to learn to work around it and deal with it, otherwise it can be very damaging to your relationship.

Don’t miss our other article on how to handle criticism from family and friends.

Conclusions

Age gap relationships can have unique challenges. This article includes six mistakes that you might make, plus some tips on how to resolve these mistakes.

Listen to the podcast episode for this topic below, or check out the YouTube episode.