Age Gap Love Story

Relationship Support, Information, & Community

Podcast Episode

Holiday Survival Tips for Age Gap Couples

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The holidays can be a stressful time even in the best of circumstances. And, having an age gap relationship might add more stress to some families. So, we’ve put together these tips to help you survive the holidays.

age gap couple going skiing together

Holiday Survival Tips

Tip One

Make a plan in advance. Ideally, you would set your plan 6-7 weeks before a major holiday. Then, communicate your plan to family members who might pressure you.

Learn more about managing family relationships when you’re in an age gap relationship.

Tip Two

Feel free to create your own traditions. Alan and I have done this since the beginning of our relationship. We started going to a restaurant at Thanksgiving and going to a comedy club at New Year’s. Now, especially during the pandemic, we are likely going to make a nice dinner at home and watch a movie. 

Tip Three

Be okay with saying no to what other people ask of you. This is a great time to practice your assertive skills. Know your plan, do what is best for you, and don’t be afraid to say no to requests from others.

In today’s environment, we’ve gotten better at virtual meetings. So, if you don’t want to or can’t meet in person, maybe try a Facetime or Zoom holiday gathering instead. 

Tip Four

Avoid conflict. The holidays can be stressful and people can be more on-edge than usual. On the other hand, give people grace, be willing to compromise, and give everyone a little more forgiveness than usual. 

Also, for our listeners who are in the early stages of their age gap relationship, we don’t necessarily think the holidays are the time to introduce or force your relationship onto your family members. 

Tip Five

Check in with each other and have an escape plan. If you do decide to spend time with family, be sure to check in on your partner. If things go awry, have a plan for how you can leave quickly. 

Don’t let your partner become the outsider. It can be hard for a partner to integrate with the other partner’s family and friends. Check in and help him or her feel comfortable. 

Tip Six

Take care of yourself!!! The holidays are a notorious time for people to get overwhelmed. Keep your routine, be sure to do the things that make you feel good. Take extra care to get good rest, exercise, and eat well. 

package with a note that says happy holidays

Listen to the podcast episode for this topic below, or check out the YouTube episode.

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Stitcher

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

Healthy Living & Aging for Age Gap Couples

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When a couple has an age gap, it’s even more important to focus on maintaining health through the years. This article includes our best tips for healthy aging and overall wellness.

We’ve divided this topic into four sections. And, if you want to listen to the podcast or watch the video, then please see the links below.

Exercise

  • General guideline is to have some movement every day.
  • Mayo Clinic recommends: Get at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity a week, or a combination of moderate and vigorous activity. The guidelines suggest that you spread out this exercise during the course of a week. Greater amounts of exercise will provide even greater health benefit.
  • For us: we try to do something every day. Walking, weight training, Jazzercise, resistance training with bands, hiking, etc. We usually devote about an hour a day to activity.

Nutrition

  • Anti-inflammatory diet is probably close to ideal for anti-aging. Can use the Mediterranean diet as a basis.
  • Carrie likes to refer to our diet as a clean eating diet, with the idea that you choose real, whole foods over processed foods. Choose organic and sustainable sources as often as possible. Refer to Carrie’s blog for recipes and more info.
  • For us: we try to cook at home, avoid eating out, watch our sugar, and try to avoid foods that bother us.
two people handling fresh bell peppers on a countertop

Supplements

  • This topic can be controversial because studies often show no benefit or even a disbenefit when people take supplements. But, this may be because they aren’t taking quality supplements or they aren’t taking the right ones.
  • The best thing to do is work with a qualified functional medicine practitioner who can do the right lab work to help develop a supplement program. Re-find Health is a good site to look for someone to help.
  • For us: we take a TON of supplements, but each one has a purpose and each one can be monitored on a lab test.
  • Also, you get what you pay for. Choose high quality supplements. I like the brand called Pure Encapsulations (no affiliation), Douglas Labs, Thorne Research, any brand that doesn’t have a lot of preservatives.

Lifestyle Tips

  • Stress management is huge for health. Dealing with things, not bottling up emotions. Use therapy if necessary.
  • Sleep is also huge. 7-9 hours although we seem to do best with 8.5-9 hours. Watch your sleep hygiene (no bright lights before bedtime, stop eating 2-3 hours before bed, dark room, etc).
  • Keeping a schedule/routine is a good idea.

References

Listen to the podcast episode for this topic below, or check out the YouTube episode.

Subscribe:Apple Podcasts | Stitcher

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

Communicating & Solving Conflict Effectively in Age Gap Relationships

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Communication issues are common in all relationships, and having an age difference can make it harder due to generational differences, bad habits from previous relationships, or an imbalance in power between partners.

Common Communication Issues

  • Not listening to what your partner is saying
  • Worrying that talking will make things worse
  • Expecting your partner to know how your feel
  • Not discussing your negative emotions, anger or other issues
  • Trying to be win an argument rather than reaching a compromise
  • Not respecting the feelings of your partner by not listening and understanding their emotions

Good Communication Tactics

Good communication skills are useful for anyone trying to improve their relationships with others (both personally and professionally as well as life overall).

When you have a difficult issue to discuss with your partner, it is important to select the right time and place to bring up the issue. Don’t bring up an issue if you are angry. Wait until you are calm and then start a conversation.

So, for example, don’t bring up a money issue when you are both in bed. Also, be a good listener during your discussion. Make eye contact and don’t try to talk over your partner. Just be quiet, pay attention and listen. Don’t think about your response until it is your turn.

If you keep up this type of problem resolution during your relationship you will be much happier by avoiding long term problems. So, always be willing to listen and discuss issues without accusations and anger.

Also, if you are in an age gap relationship, consider that there may be generational differences that can affect communication. Try to figure out what is the best way for the both of you to connect and get your messages across to the other partner.

two women talking

References

Listen to the podcast episode for this topic below, or check out the YouTube episode.

Subscribe:Apple Podcasts | Stitcher

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

Should You Have Children in Your Age Gap Relationship?

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Making the decision about having children or remaining child-free is complex and should be agreed upon by both partners in any type of relationship. Either way, this decision has lifetime consequences, especially for age gap marriages.

In this article, we discuss some of the practical, financial, and emotional reasons for having or not having children.

two kids playing in a tube at a playground

Considerations Around Not Having Children

  • One partner is much older – This could affect the child’s development if one parent becomes unable to help with the care and growing up. A worse case would be if the older parent isn’t around for the child’s early life.
  • Financial responsibility – The cost of raising a child in America is about $233,610 – excluding the cost of college – for a middle-income family, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. This could be in addition to helping with expenses of raising other children from previous marriages, alimony, supporting elderly parents and other financial responsibilities. 
  • Loss of freedom – Having a child will impact your ability to travel or other leisure time plans. This can be a drag on the older partner, perhaps in or near retirement. 
  • Fertility – As fertility declines with age, it can be difficult and expensive to have a biological child for the older female partner.
  • Added stress – Any relationship will have stressful times. Adding a child can sharply increase both emotional in dealing with parenting issues and financial stress. 

Reasons to Consider Children

  • Creating a family – many couples envision the warmth of a family life as part of a complete relationship.
  • Additional bonding with your spouse – children may draw a couple closer as teamwork and shared responsibilities demand cooperation and devotion.
  • Truly wanting to nurture another living being – for many, parenting is the fulfillment of love as a child requires so much from a parent. This focus may provide a realization of the human need to nurture.
  • Expecting a grown child to become a friend or caregiver – this desire can be a valid reason for having children.

Reasons to Avoid Having Children

  • Because your family is pressuring you to have kids
  • Believing it will “fix” your marriage / relationship
  • To receive a tax deduction
  • To meet society’s expectations 
  • So you can force your dreams on your child assuming they will achieve what you did not

Fertility Options

  • If natural pregnancy is difficult consider vasectomy reversal, IVF, sperm donor, surrogate, etc. 
  • Adoption or fostering may be an option although there may be restrictions on the age of both parents as some adoption agencies require a that couples meet a maximum age requirement.
  • Being an aunt/uncle, or volunteering with kids can be very rewarding and can allow you to have children in your life without the responsibility of being a parent.

Resource

Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence

Listen to the podcast episode for this topic below, or check out the YouTube episode.

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Stitcher

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

Long-Term Financial Planning for Age Gap Relationships

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This blog post goes deeper into the financial issues of long-term relationships, including marriage, when you have a large age difference with your partner.  

carrie and alan smiling and holding a piece of paper and a pen

Please note we are not offering financial or legal advice, so please consult your financial advisor or an attorney for specific advice related to your situation. Also laws vary by country and state you need to do your own research.

Financial Issues to Consider

  • Sharing expenses when living together (please see the previous blog post regarding division of expenses).
  • For long term relationships, or married couples, a plan for what happens if you break up, including how to resolve legal and financial obligations is vital.
  • Consider life insurance to provide the financially dependent partner with a safety net in case of a sudden change in the relationship, such as death. This can defer changing a will or trust. Usually, the most cost effective type of life insurance is “term” insurance.
  • For the financially dependent partner, you need to protect yourself in case of an unforeseen event (death or a break up) Also, you should start your own savings account, pay off your debts, establish health insurance, etc.
  • The financially stronger of the couple should prepare an instruction letter to the dependent partner as to how to carry on and resolve financial issues in case of a sudden death. This is especially important if the dependent partner is the younger of the two. This letter should contain a list of all bank & brokerage accounts, all other assets, any loan information, contact info for the family attorney, location of a will, trust document, living will for end of life healthcare wishes, family members to contact, burial information, access codes to all computer files / accounts and anything else the survivor should know to move on in life.

Reasons to Consider Marriage

  • Commitment (both emotionally, legally, and more).
  • Women need to be very careful if having children without being married as they may not have rights as to spousal support (alimony), child support, health insurance and retirement benefits of the insured partner.
  • If fact, even the right to visit a critically ill person in a hospital may be limited to a spouse of close family member.
  • If acceptance by family, friends and the public is important to you, marriage demonstrates that you are a legitimate, committed couple.

Reasons to Not Get Married

  • If you are both independently wealthy and don’t want to have issues with separating estates.
  • If you both have children and want to keep assets separate.
  • If you aren’t sure it’s going to work out.

Issues Related to Marriage

From Investopedia (link below)

  • Couples who plan to marry should discuss finances, children, assets, housing, retirement, insurance, and more before their wedding.
  • When combining finances, it’s best to be open about everything from your degree of indebtedness to investment strategies and retirement plans.
  • Be sure to update your tax information, determine your filing status, and update your name and benefit status with the Social Security Administration (SSA).
  • Complete estate planning to see that your families’ financial needs are met after you die, and update beneficiary information for wills, life insurance policies, and the like.
  • Consider creating a prenuptial agreement to ensure that your financial assets are protected in the event of a divorce and to clarify property division when one of you dies.

Reference: https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/09/what-to-consider-before-marrying.asp

Podcast & YouTube Links

We hope you consider listening to the full episode in podcast form, or watching it on YouTube.

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Stitcher

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!