Age Gap Information

In this article, video, and podcast episode, Alan and I discuss our experience managing our differences in life stages, plus what we have learned over the years. 

What are Life Stages?

There are several definitions of life stages, ranging from a strictly age-based definition to one that is more about how your purpose in life may change with time. Almost any way of describing life stage differences can be applied to age gap relationships.

For instance, it is common to assume that the life stage of someone in her or her 20s will be very different than when that same person is 70. In your 20s, you are more likely to be still figuring out what you want to do with your life, what you might want to study in school, what type of career you want to pursue, etc.

On the other hand, someone in his or her 70s might be more focused on enjoying the fruit’s of his or her labor, such as traveling or spending time with grandchildren.

How Do Life Stages Affect Age Gap Relationships?

When a couple has a difference in life stages, it can both negatively and positively affect the relationship. On the negative side, it can be difficult for the couple to fully connect if they have different goals. On the positive side, however, it can be helpful and invigorating to be with someone who is at a different life stage.

How to Manage the Differences

It is not impossible to have a successful and fulfilling relationships despite differences in life stages. Carrie and Alan, the creators of Age Gap Love Story, are a great example! Carrie has pursued her graduate degrees and starting a business when Alan was in the process of retiring. 

A few tips we have for managing the differences include:

• Make sure your overall goals and values are similar.

• Keep the lines of communication open to be aware of any changes in attitude.

• Be willing to compromise and have patience for your partner.

• Always keep an attitude of learning and openness to change no matter your age.

Podcast & Video Links

Alan and I shared these tips in a YouTube video and as well as a podcast episode.

Conclusions

People in age gap relationships may need to manage differences in life stages. But, assuming the couple is committed to the relationship and has similar overall goals and values, these differences do not have to be a hindrance overall. 

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

Many couples have the fear of losing the romance after being together for a certain amount of time. In today’s article, video, and podcast episode, Alan and I talking about our experience and some of our best tips for keeping the romance alive, despite a large age difference.

Tips

Celebrate Your Love Often

To help stay connected and feeling romantic about your partner, make an effort to celebrate your love often. This means that you mark milestones other than just yearly anniversaries. Instead, try to connect on a daily basis and remember why you fell in love with your partner. 

Make Romantic Gestures

Romance and signs of love are different for everyone. For some, it means writing love notes to one another. Other people are more into touch or acts of service, like helping to do chores around the house. 

One book that covers this topic well is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.

Hug & Kiss Often

Romance is all about staying connected to your partner. Touching each other with frequent hugs and kisses help maintain the connection and is good for the relationship. 

Hugging and kissing is also a privilege that you likely only share with one partner, so enjoy it and do it often. There is even research on hugging and kissing that shows it helps overall physical and mental health.

Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” While that may sound like a lot of hugs, it seems that many hugs are better than not enough.

Resolve Disagreements Quickly

There’s no better way to kill romance and connection than to bicker or argue. Having grudges is not healthy for any relationship, but especially not for romantic ones. Instead, work on finding cooperation. Seek a therapist to help work out your conflicts, if necessary.

Compliment Your Partner

Everyone likes being complimented and it can help make him or her feel noticed, loved, and special. Even noticing and pointing out the little things that you love and appreciate about each other can make a big difference.

Take Care of Yourself

Believe it or not, but loving and taking care of yourself can help extend to your relationship as well. If you make an effort to eat well, exercise, and look nice, then your self-love will improve your confidence and you’ll probably feel better overall. 

Appreciate Changes Over Time

Every relationship experiences changes over time. Try to look at those changes as part of the natural evolution of your relationship and adapt as necessary. 

For example, if the older partner become less physically fit with time, that doesn’t have to diminish the love you feel for each other. Instead, you might need to show your love for each other in different ways.

Conclusions

Long-term relationships can be just as romantic as new relationships. In the same vein, age gap relationships can also stay filled with romance even as the older partner ages.

Podcast & Video Links

To hear us discuss this topic, be sure to catch the YouTube video. Or, you can listen to the podcast below.

Resources

What Are the Benefits of Hugging? https://www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

Alan and Carrie are an age gap couple with a 32 ½ year age difference who have been together since 1998. In this article, video, and podcast episode, Alan compiled his tips for making our age gap relationship successful.

Age Gap Relationship Tips

1. Respect Your Partner

Even though it is true that the older partner may have more experience in life, a “teacher/student” or “parent/child” status should be avoided. Such an attitude demeans the younger partner and creates resentment. Most individuals want to learn for themselves and push back  against unsolicited advice. 

The older partner can provide a subtle guiding hand without being overbearing. Such an approach will encourage the younger partner to ask for advice, only when they want it. If they make a mistake, assuming it is not a major one, they will learn for themselves for the future.

2. Learn How to Resolve Disagreements

Discuss openly, in a calm manner, any issues of disagreement. Repressing anger or other strong emotions can only lead to frustration and block the path to a resolution. 

Before your present a problem, be sure you can clearly explain what the problem is and be prepared to describe the situation that caused it. Don’t engage in a problem discussion if you are angry or depressed. Being in an unsettled emotional state can make a resolution impossible and lead to further problems.

3. Accept Any Faults

A common reaction to “bumps” in a relationship is to look for another partner that you HOPE will be the perfect mate. Such a search will likely be futile and lead to destruction of your current relationship. 

Finding that perfect partner seldom, if ever, is possible. A more practical approach, and one more likely to develop a near perfect partner, is to work on your current relationship. This should start by appreciating the positive aspects of your relationship. 

Don’t look for and dwell on the negative. Rather, work on compromise and discussion, or counselling, to resolve the problems in your relationship. Keep reminding yourself that although the easy path is to consider looking for a new romantic partner it usually leads to disappointment after a lot of effort.

4. Learn to Share

Don’t be selfish with your time or effort. Work to achieve a mutual level of caring and concern for the mutual happiness of your relationship. For most things in life you get out of it what you put it to it. If you want your partner to put you first, above their leisure time, friends, family personal comfort or whatever, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO DO THE SAME. 

You can’t be lazy or selfish with your time / energy and expect your partner not to be. Relationships are balanced so you must put in to them what you expect to be returned.

5. Be patient

A solid, long term relationship does not happen easily. It takes time to grow solid and only with nurturing. As described above, unless you are very, very fortunate even the best relationships will change over time. 

Although the physical attraction and hot romance are important in the short term, in long term couples the companionship, caring and friendship are what lasts and is most important. This requires giving, mutual caring, patience, respect and conflict repair skills during the entire relationship. It is not easy but it is very rewarding, like most everything in life.

Podcast & Video Links

Here is the podcast audio of this article. You can also watch the YouTube video!

Conclusions

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship with a younger partner, then consider these words of advice. A compatible, loving partnership takes time to grow but can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your entire life.

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!

There are some persistent stereotypes about age gap relationships and people who are in them. We want to dispel some of the myths and share tips on how to avoid being stereotyped. 

Common Age Gap Stereotypes (& How to Avoid Them)

Gold Digger

This stereotype of being a “gold digger” usually refers to the younger partner in an age gap relationship. A gold digger is slang for someone who is looking for money. It refers to the Wild West time period when people were frantically searching for gold and wealth.

In terms of age gap relationships, this stereotype is often applied to the younger woman who is dating an older man. This is likely because statistically men in the United States make more money than women, and an older man is likely more established in his career. 

So, while it may be normal for an older man to have more money than a younger woman, for some reason it’s become acceptable to assume or make a stereotype that a younger woman is only with an older man for his money. 

Another add-on to this stereotype is that the younger partner is dumb or naïve about getting into an age gap relationship.

One way to get around these stereotypes in your relationship is for the woman or the younger partner to have her own career and source of income. The younger partner should also not use his or her sexuality as the main highlight of their person. Also, you can set limits on the gifts that are shared between partners, such as setting a maximum price you spend on birthdays or holidays. 

Lastly, you can help eliminate this stereotype by not accepting money from your older partner or signing an agreement to pay him back if you do accept money (graduate school tuition, for example).

Playboy Stereotype

The stereotype of the Playboy usually applies to the older man in an age gap relationship. It assumes that a man is only seeking a partner based on physical attraction.

This stereotype may have come from Hollywood where handsome older men have often been in relationships with beautiful younger women.

Both partners can help avoid this stereotype by not just looking for casual hookups. Another way to help avoid this stereotype is to commit to long-term partnerships and monogamy.

Daddy Issues

Another age gap stereotype is that a younger partner is looking for an older partner because she or he has “daddy issues.” This can be a really offensive stereotype that doesn’t make rational sense. If you think about it, many women date men who look like their fathers or brothers, but they never get accused of having these types of  issues.

The way to avoid this stereotype as a younger partner is to work on your maturity and not expect your partner to be your savior or parent. No matter what type of relationship you are in, it should be equal in terms of the power dynamic. 

Control Issues

Men who pursue younger partners may be labeled as “controlling.” This is also a very unfair stereotype as there is no way of knowing what goes on in a relationship. It also assumes that men (or the older partners) are controlling.

To help avoid this stereotype, try to make sure you have an equal balance of power in your age gap relationship. This means avoiding being in a relationship with your boss or superior at work. It also means that both partners get to make decisions together and one partner is not overly dependent on the other. 

Conclusions

Stereotypes can be hurtful and make unfair assumptions about people. To help avoid these common stereotypes about age gap relationships, there are some practical things you can do that should also help your overall relationship. 

Listen to the podcast or watch our YouTube video on this topic.

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As always, we want to remind you that we are not offering professional advice. The content on this website is meant as purely informational. Please consult a therapist, attorney, financial advisor, or other appropriate professional to help with your individual situation.

Age Gap Love Story is a website, podcast, YouTube channel, and community created to support people who are in a relationship with a large age difference. Join our email list to learn more!